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  • Writer's pictureSandra Lee

Money Matters

i either believe it or i don’t.

put your money where your mouth is, as the saying goes.

you’ve been talking about how much you are changing your life and the grooves of belief that the faery cards keep reminding you are false and out of date.

oooh what a delicious thing to roll around in my head and test my newfound belief system. within seconds, the other selves started to bargain with me. how about a little less? that would then leave you a nice round number. one that we feel more comfortable with. that is – if we can’t talk you out of it altogether-as they glanced at one another with a knowing but slightly worried look.

they’ve talked me out of things before. until now it’s been an easy thing, as i didn’t know those selves actually existed, separate from the present me. but they do exist, and i can especially see the little girl ego self, like always- she is gripping her chocolate. she peers out at me from under her wild tangled hair, with no forthcoming objection. the ego is keeping quiet at this time-because i’ve already asked her if this thing has anything to do with her. she shrugged and turned away, disinterested. not if you’re GIVING it, she mutters.

i don’t believe that money exists~~well, the energy of it exists, and gold and silver exists, but what we now call money seems to exist less and less in the real sense. and gold and silver is only considered money because we’ve long ago attached importance to it. if we hadn’t – it would just be considered a hard shiny rock. and pukka shells may be the standard for money.

in today’s world, money is mostly electronic numbers in the bank. i give you a card, and put some numbers from my number bank, into your number bank. remember when paper money used tor epresent the gold it stood for? nowadays it’s meaningless, as the government just keeps printing more paper money- well, just because they need more.

so, do the numbers in your bank account represent the paper money that represents gold? of course not. it’s a fantasy built on an mirage built on a tricky maneuver… to get more numbers. i think.

try this fun little stunt. how many people do you think your bank has as patrons? let’s say it’s a small bank, and there are 1,000 people banking there. and say in each of their bank/numbers accounts, there is $7,000. (the reason i am picking the number of $7,000 is that my friend tried to withdraw this much in cash once) of course many people have much much more money in their accounts and many have much much less. anyhoo, walk in one day, and ask the teller to hand over YOUR $7,000 dollars in large bills, yes thank you, that will be fine. now supposedly there is 7,000,000 dollars in that bank. taking out a piddly amount of 7 grand shouldn’t be a problem. in the vault maybe? no? in another bank? no? where exactly IS my money… it’s absolutely hiLARious to watch the tellers scramble and get flustered when you want your numbers in the computer to materialize as paper money which supposedly represents the Gold in FortKnox. (whatever happened to that place btw…) you will find that your bank usually doesn’t have that amount in cash and they have to order it from the printing factory, come back tomorrow, please. god forbid if EVERYONE in the world wanted their numbers turned into into cash.

now, also, consider the credit card business. joe blo gets an invite in the mail, which lets him know he is automatically qualified for a credit line of say, 10,000 dollars/numbers. where exactly IS this 10K and is it in small bills?

so, in essence, the credit card company says- we don’t actually HAVE 10,000 cash dollars to give you, but on this plastic card we can SAY you have 10,000 numbers, to trade for things like diamond rings and food and baseball game tickets and walmart crap. and then you can sign a contract that says you will pay US back, with some of YOUR numbers… cash doesn’t ever come into it, much less real money –gold and silver.

and these numbers buys things. drinks. and people. and love. and attention. and popularity. you ever notice that the really rich guy that has a lot of numbers in his bank gets the more beautiful/young/hottt woman in his life? the guy could be about as atrractive as a gorilla, but if he’s rich with those illusionary numbers- wow, check out the babe on his arm! and she, for her part, swears she loves the real man. but take away those numbers, put him in dirty tattered clothes and without his red Ferrari, and see how fast she disappears. and guess what, if i was the babe on his arm, i would disappear pretty fast too…

ANYWAY, i rather digress from the real issue of what i am talking about here. my decision to give money to someone that needs some. i just thought i would give you a glimpse of how this brings up a very convoluted train of thought for me...

originally the first thought was to Lend- not Give- and was immediately discarded. out of the corner of my eye my ego child raised her head sharply- which signaled to me that Lending would simply feed her more chocolate bar.

the word Give showed itself to me. i thought, why not? how much DOES one need in one’s hand at any one time? i often preach that not only is it meaningless to me, but meaningless in the real sense. do i have enough in my hand today? am i eating dinner tonight? how often do i spend that much on My Self? would i miss it? what if i died tomorrow, would i regret that i had given it to her? or regret that i didn’t?

the GIVING i had been doing in the last 2 years had also attracted RECEIVING. seemed i always had enough. even when it was less than last month. it was my PERCIEVED idea of how much i needed to hoard- according to all that i had learned from others with the same fearful belief system. the clamor of my practical fearful selves had once set up such a racket that i had to reprimand them sharply, and reminded them that i was in charge thank you very much! i no longer believed their fears of what COULD happen. because i already knew what was for SURE to happen.

as my guru said once- and i’ll never forget it. “you’re gonna die. THAT’S what’s going to happen…go from there.”

meaning, nothing actually matters, in the end. and act like the end is tomorrow.

so, here ends my tirade of the simple matter of giving a few bucks to a friend, whose life might be made a little easier, for the giving. and i'm not doing it for her. i'm doing it for me.

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