spent the first 45 minutes of the morning texting a family member over JW issues that they were going thru. felt immense compassion for all those involved and a letting go of the outcome and knew it was going to be a good day to paint. pulled out the intense raw pigments and also my other muted favorite naples yellow. it's creamy butterscotch tone attracts me.
played music from my teens. young love teens. rock me gently and rock your baby-heron blue, satellite of love, and sail from recent times. stood in front of the canvas with outspread arms in the savior pose. the jesus pose. was not thinking of any one thing but felt in deep meditation with absolutely no rushing. moved slowly yet in the groove immediately. oblivious and underwater to everything around me. started with the naples yellow. the blues and the blue greens were what i saw coming up from the lower left- the past. added white and the ethereal blue gray was again born. within this past blue the face of the man became immediately apparent. wondered at the face of the man i saw. didn't recognize him.
didn't feel the need to turn the canvas and finished and cleaned up. looked up and saw it was 3:30. amazed that time now feels like it's endless and ever flowing in a circle. went to the computer and looked up similar words to meditation, as i still felt heavy with luxurious drifting time of my retreat from the material world. really wasn't sure what day it was, as my schedule is so loose with few things to do. what a difference when i have nothing to 'do' but live. picked the words invoking Grace.
went outside and picked some tomatoes and corn from my garden, set it out with garlic and the fixin's to make a pasta dish and mused how self sufficient life can be. looked at the painting as i came in and said, where's the pain? it was too soft. had raw pigment left over from another painting and added a bit of intense deep red. held it up to the painting and said yes. pretty much matched the orange red color of the tomato that i had just picked. added a bit here and there and felt satisfied.
long after i did the jesus pose and named the painting- i remembered the one thing my friend said when we talked of what she wanted. she had said, "not reaching or searching, but placing someone other than me in charge."
i think the title fits.