however, at the moment a bit like a chicken that's been in a cage too long ...poking my head out and blinking in the sunlight, cocking my head and strutting one foot at a time ... "
first day of self-liberation from self-imposed tethers. what a sensation!
i left work last night- taking a month off from 'making a living,' to, well, just live... started it out with a boozy bang, had 2 over the top fabulous margaritas with one of my bestest guy pals... who also is in flux about changing up his belief system of how to 'live.' we laughed about the image of my self being a chicken, and cocking one eye at a time up to the sky of my sudden freedom. i said i don't know what to do at the moment. he said, just soak it in and let it be.
i'm good at that.
so this morning, the first morning of my un tethering, i do what i like to do, when ruminating about stuff- clean my house, do laundry, dust, and water my garden...
first, the coffee and the faery cards, please. i wasn't feeling fear, over the money/numbers/matrix/bank thing- however for a few seconds i gave it a thought or two of concern-- what if i ran out of money? those 'what if' questions are ALWAYS the basis of fear/concern. what if THIS happens? what will happen to me?
it surprised me a bit, that i even had a moment or two of concern. it's been a very long time since i've 'worried'. i exist as a spirit creature living in the material world, and can create my life any way i want to. i believe the spirit world is real, and the material world is the perceived Matrix, to quote from the movie. i look at money as a very intriguing monopoly game. have absolutely no fear of the Matrix, and view the numbers whizzing by with interest.
it truly was only a second or two, and i said out loud- "i'm having a hard time trusting"- and what faery card do i turn over in the position of present time? 'Trust Your Intuition.'
as i muse, i think of how i have always been free, i just didn't see it that way. the tethers and the detestable burdensome word 'obligations' are self-imposed. i've always had choice. and my choice has been to apply ropes and bindings, 'chicken tethers'...i've chosen struggle, and hardship, never getting ahead, or getting what i want out of life, and then complaining about my choice every step of the way.
so that means, i can also UN chose that way. that i can chose again and again another way. that i can chose not to put any energy into 'what if'... and that i can chose freedom.