everything is being stripped down to the dusty dry bare bones. being forced directed suggested deployed guided kicked off my comfy cliff into letting all materials things ambitions money dreams of Others plans expectations relationships jobs fall away. I am in constant flux change the unknown seemingly random wispy choices passing in front of me shrugging acceptance terror arms and fingers waving forward in clumsy circles eyes blind and feeling my way along the dark wall. I haven’t painted in months. feeling the No in that. the ‘job’ of getting my stuff out there. viewing Others surging past me on motorized rollerblades feeling the hooks of my egO sink into my skin drawing thin red lines of blood.